Humorous Look At Government Warning Signs
Thanks Heather!
The
US government has a new website, http://www.ready.gov. It's
another attempt at scare mongering in the style of the old "duck
and cover" advice after WWII.
The fun thing is that these pictures are so ambiguous they could mean
anything! Here are a few interpretations.
If you have set yourself on fire, do not run!
If you spot terrorism, blow your anti-terrorism whistle. If you are
Vin Diesel, yell really loud.
If you spot a terrorist arrow, pin it against the wall with your
shoulder.
If you are sprayed with an unknown substance, stand and think about
a cool design for a new tattoo.
Use your flashlight to lift the walls right off of you!
The proper way to eliminate smallpox is to wash with soap, water and
at least one(1) armless hand.
Michael Jackson is a terrorist. If you spot this smooth criminal
with dead, dead eyes, run the hell away.
Hurricanes, animal corpses and your potential new tattoo have a lot
in common. Think about it.
Be on the lookout for terrorists with pinkeye and leprosy. Also,
they tend to rub their hands together manically.
If a door is closed, karate chop it open.
Try to absorb as much of the radiation as possible with your groin
region. After 5 minutes and 12 seconds, however, you may become sterile
After exposure to radiation it is important to consider that you may
have mutated to gigantic dimensions: watch your head.
If you've become a radiation mutant with a deformed hand,
remember to close the window. No one wants to see that shit.
If you hear the Backstreet Boys, Michael Bolton or Yanni on the
radio, cower in the corner or run like hell.
If your lungs and stomach start talking, stand with your arms akimbo
until they stop.
If you are trapped under falling debris, conserve oxygen by not
farting.
If you lose a contact lens during a chemical attack, do not stop to
look for it.
Do not drive a station
wagon if a power pole is protruding from the hood.
A one-inch thick piece of plywood should be sufficient protection
against radiation.
Always remember to carry food with you during a terrorist attack. At
least you'll be able to enjoy a nice coke and apple before you die.
Above
all – Never forget to maintain a keen sense of humor!! Deb V
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